It’s almost time to say goodbye, but first I want to say a few words. I want to commemorate our time together and dedicate a whole blog post to you, because you’re worth it. You are the year that I overcame. Fear, myself and my past. I didn’t know what you would hold at first. I rang you in rather tamely with old and special friends in Auckland City, and I wasn’t that excited. My future was a blank canvas so I was scared, trying to make sense of it all. And to be honest, I was still sad.
I didn’t set goals or make plans for you, I just decided to enjoy myself. To heal and re-piece my life together. I had decisions to make, like which church to move to. I’m on the other side of that particular decision now and it was a good one; a blessed one that was drenched with peace from Heaven. I heard a resounding “yes, you will grow here”. And I have, with friends and in community. In His Word and Spirit.
When I desperately wanted to visit Greece and Croatia but realised I had no travel companion, I was gutted. Being single wasn’t all it was cracked up to be after all, and though I could go and do whatever I wanted, I didn’t want to do it alone. Alas, I did, and it was a fantastic decision. I cruised the islands of the Adriatic Coast and I rode a 4×4 in Santorini. I made friends and I fell in love with my own company all over again. I learned that company is good but seeing the world is more important.
In a season of struggle where my confidence was lacking and I felt useless, I found what I was good at and where I could help; as Blog Editor of So Worth Loving. The cause of telling people that they are important and valuable, despite their past or the mistakes they have made, is one close to my heart. Championing this message with the ever inspiring Eryn Erickson has given me purpose, passion and motivation on the lacking days. For that I am eternally thankful. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that Eryn and I exhibit the greatest example of team work that has ever existed.
Mostly though Twenty-Twelve, you and I discovered me, together. I accepted the things I can’t do and won’t ever be, and embraced who God made me to be. A writer, a talker, an encourager and an entertainer. I am silly and embarrassing and awkward, and people love it and now I love it. You were what I needed you to be – rest, healing and discovery. I wrestled and I ignored God and then came sheepishly back to the truth. I laughed, heartily and loudly. I didn’t achieve a lot per say because I needed the time to work out what I was born to achieve. To work out who I was and what I was here for. I’m still working that out but the foundation has been laid.
One thing I have achieved however, is writing consistently on this blog for over a year, which I didn’t think I could do. I’ve discovered my voice and unsurprisingly, she has a lot to say. I’ve been encouraged that I can stick to something, even when it’s tough. I enjoy the (sometimes challenging) task of putting my thoughts to screen through this outlet, and that people have enjoyed it. That my words have provoked thoughts and decisions. That is why I write; to push, inspire and challenge.
During my time with you, I became one of those sexy cultured girls with hobbies (or something like that). I now have this cool craft box, because I like writing love letters to people who need to be told they are great, and I even painted a few things for my bedroom. I know, ooh ahh. I made the first steps toward getting my PADI scuba license, which I plan to complete when the weather is a little warmer. I also got walking boots because I decided I’m a walker now. If I want to climb Kilimanjaro or Machu Picchu, then I have to start somewhere. May as well start with a wee hill in Surrey, innit!
Which reminds me of one last awesome thing we did together; created a Life List. I’m pretty excited about this. I even ticked a few off already, one of them being taking my mum to Paris (which happens tomorrow). Mum is sleeping next to me as I write this, which is simply wonderful. Her visit to see me in London has been five years coming so we are making the most of it. Spending time with her as an adult helps me to appreciate her more. I’m not an ungrateful kid anymore. She’s a special lady who I am growing up to be more and more like each day, in looks and mannerisms. For the first time ever, I’m okay with that.
I had fun, 2012. So thanks. I cried a lot as well but 2013 will be having a lot of that too, since it’s just what I do. It doesn’t take long for me to start smiling again though. I’m leaving the tears that I shed with you in your safe hands, so look after them for me because I can’t take them with me from here. In a few days I will say goodbye to you, and I’ll be sad but thankful. Put in a good word with Twenty-Thirteen for me, ya know, tell her to be kind. And tell her to include some career direction and breakthrough, okay? You were fun but it’s time to get my shit together and take some risks. Fun just won’t cut it anymore.
I will never forget you. I’m making a scrap book just to be sure I don’t. I told you – I’m a craft girl now!
Top 10 Posts of 2012
1. Mosaic Art | Seasons and Stages
3. I’m Walking Alone
4. The Truth About Love [according to me]
5. I’m a Sunday Christian
6. My Body, My Choice
7. To the Girl Without a Father
8. Rat Race
9. Croatia: the Highs and Lows
10. Are you a Good Friend?
To all my readers: Thank you for reading my words this year! I appreciate you more than you know. Share with my in the comments what 2012 meant for you, and how you would sum up your year. I would love to know!